After nearly two decades of inaction, it is believed a solution is at hand to deal with the incessant noise on the Mornington Peninsula Freeway.
“Things seem to have become worse, not better” said a spokesperson, on the condition of anonymity. “We didn’t realise that a massive increase in traffic and chomping up all the vegetation would result in more noise. Who would have thought it?”
Members of a Safety Beach action group are frustrated that VicRoads has done little to curb increased traffic noise on the Mornington Peninsula Freeway. They say the noise deprives them of sleep, causes health issues and has lowered their standard of living.
“We hear them and fully understand. While we’re completing the removal of vegetation along this strip of freeway, we are looking at new works to plant vegetation along this strip of freeway”.
“This should decrease noise and air pollution, sun and traffic glare, reduce cross winds, decreased temperatures on the road and even reduce potential flooding. It really is a wonderful idea.”
Asked by The Public Record’s Derrick DiMaggio how long it would take for this new vegetation to return to the effectiveness of the vegetation that was just removed, the spokesperson said “about two decades”.
“It is not as simple as just replanting a few trees. We need to encourage wildlife back. We never knew how much road noise possums actually absorbed until we’d mulched them”.
With Her Majesty’s Press always keen to fully understand the situation, The Public Record’s Derrick DiMaggio was dispatched to investigate.
“I couldn’t just stand on the sidelines and observe. To find out the extent of the problem, I needed to immerse myself in it. I decided to sleep the night in a paddock behind Safety Beach. I can tell you, I woke at 3am after having a nightmare that I was being chased by a screaming banshee. It was horrible.”
“Once I had calmed down, I realised the nightmare was caused by the unbearable sound of traffic, and the tears of homeless possums. It was an unforgiveable reality”.
DiMaggio sent an open letter to “the authorities” demanding immediate action and got the following statement back:
“We have heard your compelling argument. We accept the error of our ways, and the grave inconvenience we have caused local residents. We will fix this NOW. We intend issuing all residents between Mt Martha and Rosebud with earplugs to solve this problem once and for all.’
As residents sleep blissfully from now on, they’ll be able to dream about what has turned out to be a win for commonsense over bungling bureaucracy.
