While the Mornington Peninsula Shire has put forward a plan to manage the hordes of visitors to Mt Martha’s “The Pillars”, a group of influential businessmen have taken the issue into their own hands.
“Public comment this, public comment that,” said Mt Martha real estate agent, Terrence Snufkin.
“What we need is action, and action now”.
The group is sending a delegation to Washington DC in the hope to get a meeting with US President Donald Trump.
“We too are going to build a wall. And Millennials from the northern suburbs are going to pay for it!” said Mr Snufkin.
The idea is simple, according to the group. While the United States have already done the hard work developing a wall to run along its southern border, the Australians plan to offer to “chip in”, increasing their buying power, and getting two walls out of the deal.
“It really is a win-win. It should save money for the US taxpayer, and get us a wall at a greatly reduced cost”.
Word from power brokers inside The Whitehouse is that those in the know are over the moon.
“If you can keep out 20-somethings with their heart set on getting that Instagram shot jumping off The Pillars in Australia, then keeping hoards of impoverished work-seekers heading across our southern boarder should be a breeze” said a US official on the condition of anonymity.
“God knows…. the former are a lot harder to dissuade”
While The Public Record has not contacted the Mornington Peninsula Shire mayor, Cr Bryan Payne, it is hard to imagine he would be against the wall. After all, he was quoted in the “fake news” Mornington News this week as saying “we need to protect it [The Pillars] from further impact”.
Of course, there is the possibility, with his rash and unpredictable nature, that Donald Trump won’t see the benefit in bulk-buying walls with the Mt Martha delegation.
“He is known to be pretty flighty,” said Mr Snufkin, “So of course we have a back-up plan”.
Asked by Derrick DiMaggio from The Public Record what they intending to do if their wall plan failed, Mr Snufkin replied “About 300 kilograms of high-explosives. Those kids will have trouble jumping off The Pillars if it is half a click offshore and under 20 metres of water”.
Either way, it seems peace will soon be restored to Mt Martha, and the frustration, inconvenience and alcohol bans of the past few years will soon become a distant memory.
