The Allan state government has grown tired of the current national NAPLAN tests that discriminate against Victorian students, by not recognising the state as a national leader in youth crime.
As a result, they’ve written to the Federal Education Minister, Jason Clare, to request that “Criminality” be added as a fifth benchmark on the national test.
“We’re tired of a testing regime that obviously discriminates against our students,” said a government official, speaking exclusively to The Public Record.
“Our kids are out all night stealing cars and putting machetes to the throats of ususpecting homeowners. How the hell to you expect them to front up at school the next day and be lucid enough to excel in numeracy, reading, writing and language?
“To be fair to these kids, we have to add into these tests something they really excel at.”
It is believed that by adding “Criminality” to NAPLAN tests, Victoria will lift its overall NAPLAN results to be the highest in the country.
“Remember when we had ‘The Education State’ on our licence plates? That’s what we want to get back to,” said the official.
“The only difference now is those plates won’t be on your car. They’ll have been nicked and attached to a stolen car being driven around by a group of 14-year-olds on a crime spree.”
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