September 2025

State government officials are fuming after the mother of all stuff ups, with a pothole crew misreading a memo and believing they were tasked with digging new potholes on the Mornington Peninsula the rather than filling them.

“This is just a lesson is carefully reading the instructions,” said Nigel Whithernuckle from the Victorian government’s Department of Transport and Planning, who spoke to The Public Record on condition of anonimity.

“They’ve breezed over it, and jumped in their trucks and started digging as many potholes as one man can with a crew of eight watching him”.

It is believed an advanced crew member would drive around and find a suitable position for a pothole, and create a spray-painted template. The main work crew would later come around and dig the hole out in the dead of night, usually shreading the tyres, smashing the rims and even tearing off the axles of unsuspecting motorists the next morning.

Esteemed Mornington Peninsula journalist Derrick DiMaggio spoke exclusively to the crew for The Public Record.

“We’d really done an amazing job on the Mornington Peninsula,” said one of the crew members.

“Some of the holes were so wide and deep we’d need to place a small ladder in them to finish the job.”

“We thought we were being calling in to be presented with a certificate of appreciation, but instead we were given a real tongue lashing!”

It is believed state government officials have told the crew they’ll be expected to fill each and every pothole they have created.

Money is expected to be allocated for the task in the 2032/33 state budget.

Derrick DiMaggio, the Mornington Peninsula’s most resepected journalist, is back on the peninsula and ready to take on the big issues and Make the Mornington Peninsula Great Again (MMPGA).

“I’ve spent the last six years working tirelessly in fulltime civil service as a guest of the King himself!,” said DiMaggio, adjusting his ankle bracelet.

“It has been an honour to serve, and now I am back on the peninsula ready to serve even more.”

DiMaggio had a long-running battle with the government over various Centrelink infractions in 2019, before authorities caved to his legal arguments and offered him an all-expenses paid holiday as compensation.

The Public Record will be run out of DiMaggio’s loungeroom for the time being “as we search for a premises big enough to accommodate us”, said DiMaggio.

The entire organisation of The Public Record welcomed DiMaggio back, and as he addressed staff he announced the organisation had now doubled in size with the arrival of respected journalist Ghat Shepeetee.

“Ghat will revolutionlise journalism on the peninsula,” said DiMaggio.

“She will leave no stone unturned and final hold those you voted into power to account.”

“I’m so pleased to be joining the team at The Public Record,” said Shepeetee.

“The Mornington Peninsula is my favourite island in Victoria, and I plan to do it’s two million permenent residents proud.”

“With a council election just around the corner, and the discovery of the world’s largest uranium deposit at Arthurs Seat, there is much to be done.”

The Public Record intends to provide The Truth in a world of Fake News.